Jenna & Tash Ustream chat - April 15 2011 [part 1]:
first off what the fuck is it with her friends stalking me on tumblr, like I find that so incredibly strange, specially since all of her friends hate me or dont know I exist. Second off I DOUBT she has told you everything about our “friendship”, Im sure she failed to tell you that literally (and Im not even kidding) literally for about 2 and a half years we’ve talked every single fucking day. morning to night. and I was not the only one sending long good morning texts first. I was not the only one initiating the conversation first. Morning to fucking night. And she told me that she doesnt even talk to her other friends as much as she talked to me. and I always wondered why does she talk to me so much if she doesnt talk to her other friends like that? And you know what I was ok with going without a week not talking to her.. I actually forced myself not to text her cause I wanted her to treat me like her other friends and say how much she missed me but that kind of back fired since I hadnt heard from her since. You think she doesnt treat me different well you are very much mistake anon, go look on her stupid instagram, im almost non existent on there yet Im suppose to be one of her best friends and she “appreciates me”. I deleted her because every fucking flashback post or i miss you post was only a reminder that I was nothing. Shes never once tried to invite me to go out with her other friends, yet I was so eager to let her meet my other best friend and for her to come hang out with my others friends. Shes never once did that for me. And that is fucking bullshit that she wanted to see me before she left for school lol You know.. I fucking laid on the bathroom floor sick out of my mind from drinking so much the previous night because I was so pissed off at her and when she told me something happened its like I was never mad at her.. I laid on that floor trying to make her stop crying and trying to comfort her cause thats the kind of person I am, I could hate her as much as I wanted but the second she needed me its like I never hated her at all. and you know what anon, she let me fucking worry about her for fucking months and never once told me what was going on.. Im over here freaking out bc shes in such a dark place and I know what it feels like to be in that place and I want to help but I cant cause she fucking wont tell me whats going on yet you know, and Im sure her roommates know and im sure everyone knows but me. You know the only time I ever saw her during the summer was wingstop and when she needed to get some errands done she let me tag along (her words) and I did because I knew I wouldnt see her any other time even though she had all this time to hang out with her other friends and do all this fun stuff with her other besties and there were maybe 2 days where she came to my house and watched pretty little liars. You have no idea all the bullshit she promised me, all the things we were suppose to do and like an idiot I believed her, you know we didnt even celebrate my bday like she promised. and then after all this shit she had the fucking nerve to tell me she wanted to hang out with me before she left. she wanted to do something big off our list that we had. and the day of she didnt fucking text me till 430 saying that she wanted to go get yogurt at like 730…. I already made plans with my actual best friend bc I literally gave up on her ever texting me back so yeah I did blow her off bc I was so fucking pissed. I literally cried texting her cause my best friend I was going out with was telling me it was ok and I could go see her but I knew that would be fucked up I always drop everything for her. and I was not about to cancel on my friend who is actually there for me to see someone who doesnt give a fucking shit. I was literally soo fucking hurt cause I was excited to see her before she left and I actually believed she wanted to hang out and then like 2 days go by of not hearing anything and then the day comes and I hear from her at 430? like wtf!? I dont believe for a second that she actually cares, I cant, after everything Ive done and everything thats happened I cant believe that she actually cares, you know what she fucking said to me when I told her my papa passed away, Ill never forget or forgive her for it because I was so fucking lost and numb and I just wanted my best friend there, someone to cry on and talk about it, her text was “im sorry, dont worry things will get better” …… that is the first fucking thing she told me when I told her he passed away. and then she had to go to sleep cause she had work the next morning. you know how many fucking times Ive stayed up till 1 or 2am for her. and every time I tried to talk about how Im depressed because I miss him so much she says she cant talk about it cause it makes her think of her grandpas (who are still alive) like what the fuck? thats caring anon? does that sound like she fucking cares? If she really cared it would be her contacting me not you. Like Im literally crying right now and Im so sick of crying over her or because of her.. you dont know shit bc shes only told you the things that make her look good and make her look like a good friend. I could totally say more but I promised I wouldnt so just sit with that and then ask yourself if you can see why I feel the way I do.